The ebs and flows of life, friendships and relationships

I was inspired to write this today, after reading a post on social media by Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: "If someone is not treating you with love and respect, it is a gift if they walk away from you." It can feel beyond painful when someone chooses to step out of your life without an explanation, especially if you valued their presence so much and cared so deeply. It may not make sense, may leave you feeling hurt, confused, rejected, abandoned, lied to, questioning what you did wrong, questioning how someone you valued and cared for who you thought felt the same for you could suddenly withdraw, without caring enough to explain to you why. You may now question your discernment and be left finding it difficult to know who you can trust.

This has happened to me and I know many others to. It felt important to share my thoughts on this, in the hope it will help support others who may be struggling around this topic.

In these moments we need to ask ourselves, if someone can treat us this way, do we really want such people in our lives? Whatever their reasons, we must remind ourselves, it is their stuff to carry not yours.

I have also been the person detaching, and I always explain to to the person why, because I care and am mindful of the hurt it can cause without an explanation, that is unless someone has been abusive, then I refuse to feed into the energy of that and simply disconnect. I may be simply in a chapter of life where I need a pause from certain people I care about, because I need space to focus on something happening in my life. For those who care for one another, there is a mutual respect and acceptance and you pick up where you left off when the time is right. Those are beautiful moments I have also experienced, and it makes you realise what true friendships are.

The flow of life does not always make sense, but everything and everyone brings valuable lessons.

Remember what a beautiful being you are and that there are reasons for everything and everyone you meet. Do not nose dive into self blame (easy to do if you live with trauma). Feel the pain, find ways to process and let go. Seek professional support if you need to without self-judgement or shame. There are simply times we need a helping hand, as when you find yourself in a freeze trauma response, unable to regulate your nervous system, it is hard to make sense of anything, or to see a way out of the pain you are in.

Most of all, keep on going, show yourself some love, focus on and feel grateful for those who truly do care for you, remember actions speak louder than words, and when you feel a void you did not anticipate, know this has made space for something or someone else to fill, we just may not know what or who yet.

Trust the process.