Saying Goodbye to Parts of Us

28 August 2024 I lost another part of me, that has had such a profound impact, I felt guided to write a blog to share, in the hope it gives food for thought and support for others. On our life path we encounter lots of goodbyes in different forms. For me in this moment, I write about the loss of another of my teeth. The photo on this blog was the day before my surgery, feeling in pain and paralysed with fear of a potential tooth extraction, I needed to be in my special place to feel, reconnect, breathe, prepare, release and cry into the waters. This may sound an over-reaction to some, but for me and many others it is a journey we have found ourselves in not by choice and it is an extremely difficult path to walk. My biological dentist Dr Seb Lomas could not have cared for me any more than he did, but the experience was not only considerably more physically painful than I thought it would be, due to the tooth itself, it has left me with a huge sense of grief and loss, amongst many other emotions. Lots of processing to do.

I am a deeply thinking and feeling person. The whole experience of being in an acute 6 day dental crisis seeking local help involving endless hours holding on phone lines (which continued on my 7 hour journey to Yorkshire) and lots of other stress attached to that. A 4am start to the day on Day 7 for our drive to Yorkshire and the surgery itself that afternoon, pushed me beyond my capacity. Then I sank into a deep thought process on my journey home the next day, as I often do after such big moments.

It is my belief when we are faced with huge challenges that feel overwhelming and impossible to navigate and we find ourselves dependent on a third party, we may reach a point of knowing we have no option but to trust and surrender to it, possibly leaving us feeling vulnerable, which then maybe opens us up to feel more and explore our innerself as we observe our responses. I often find these are the most valuable of times for insights, new perspectives and finding opportunities for sharing and learning when we emerge again.

Although this particular blog is about my personal experience of a tooth, it can relate to any body part a person has had to face losing.

We can acknowledge what we are about to lose, give thanks for service to us for however many years, but the goodbye and closure is equally important on this journey of letting go and acceptance, as are the words used by any friend, family member or health professional supporting you in the process, who may be unaware of any past traumas you may carry. Words can trigger a trauma response to your nervous system, that could already be severely compromised with the anticipation of the loss you are facing or in the midst of experiencing. Since having this tooth extraction, observing my bodily responses, I have talked to others, curious to know why I am feeling this way, there must be something to explore that I do not yet understand. I was surprised to hear some people keep their extracted teeth, others bury them at home, returning them to the earth, some wish they had seen/kept them, others feel the same about other skeleton body parts they had to have replaced. But one thing has been repeated in every piece of feedback I have heard ... 'IT WAS PART OF ME FOR ALL MY LIFE' I have reflected on 2021 when I had five root canal teeth extracted, seeing them after surgery, packing them up and posting them the the USA for DNA analysis in a desperate attempt to find clues to chronic health issues. I felt loss and grief back then, but it was more towards my physical appearance and functionality, knowing I would need dentures in my 50's was not a great feeling. Now in 2024 it feels different, it goes much deeper, and I wanted to understand why.

My conclusion travelling home, right or wrong .... root canal teeth are dead teeth in our body, have they already left us energetically even though physically attached? The tooth I had extracted yesterday was dying, but not completely dead, difficult to numb and remove due to the pain I felt unable to tolerate. My belief in this moment is when we are having a tooth extracted that is not an root canal, this is a living part of us we are being forcibly separated from. That is a huge thing, especially for energetically aware people, with also the meridian connection to be mindful of - how are we to support other areas of our body attached to this tooth when it is gone? Does that area also respond to the sudden energetic detachment? I am intrigued. I had not thought about what I wanted to do with the tooth after the procedure as I did not know for sure if it would have to be extracted when I got there, and I did not want to think about my worse nightmare. I did know if extracted, I wanted to see it and take a photograph as a memory, as I like to keep personal photographic diaries and also create instagram video reels as a personal memory and to share with my followers. I got lost in the whole situation and the trauma I felt, my body in shock. I could not think and did not speak out my intention. By the time I thought of it and asked, the tooth was gone before I got out of the chair. The opportunity was gone, another sense of loss and grief. I am writing this blog for anyone with such a surgery ahead of them, in the hope it will give them food for thought on what they would want to happen before and afterwards, which I know is tough, it is not a pleasant thing to think about. But this is also for any dental teams who want to support patients in a compassionate way.

Of course everyone is different, some people may just want the tooth/teeth removed, go home and get on with life. Others may take a more ritualistic sacred approach to extractions. My hope is dental clinics find ways to support, and patients to be mindful a dentist will have other patients to see that day, so it needs to be maneagable.

FOR PATIENTS When considering options for tooth extraction, seek as much feedback as you can from people you know and trust who have had this procedure. Remember everyone's bodies are different and respond in different ways. Also ask your dentist for 'all case scenarios', as they are the ones who treat you and have got to know how your body responds. By gaining this information you can then make an informed choice on the right option for you. You know your body better than anyone.

Write down what you want to do with your extracted tooth/teeth.

Is there anything you need to say or release prior to surgery, at home or in the dental chair? Write it down and take with you.

Do you want to see/hold the extracted tooth?

Do you want a photo and who will take responsibility for that, yourself or one of the dental team?

Do you want the dental staff to dispose of it or do you want to take it home?

If you want to take home, you may choose to bring a special container for transportation. You don't have to think beyond that until later on when you are ready

Go through your wishes with the dental team looking after you, so everyone in the room is clear, as you may feel unable to communicate or think clearly during or after the process itself. I appreciated my dentist guiding me before surgery, to give thanks to the tooth, for it's service to me for decades. It reminded me very much of birthing my shamanic drums with the honoring of the animal and the tree.

FOR DENTISTS

Despite it being your job, it must be a difficult process for you also when faced with teeth extractions, especially when witnessing pain and emotional distress in your patients. Here are my thoughts from a patient perspective:

I acknowledge the limited time for appointments with pressured daily schedules, but making time for small things can support the healing process for your patient, not only for the coming days/weeks, but for the rest of their life, and will build a sense of trust and safety which will help to create a really good practitioner/patient relationship over the years to come, as well as boosting your reputation within the dental community. If a patient has wishes to read out, please be present and engaged, so the patient feels seen, heard, understood and supported. Ensure everyone in the room during the surgery is clear on patient wishes. Engaging with patient throughout, sharing what you are doing and checking in, adjusting methods if necessary to find the most tolerable. Please be mindful on words used by any of the dental team. Some words could be triggering for people who have trauma around grief and loss. Often dentists and dental nurses are unaware of past trauma of patients and can unintentionally cause distress by their words or actions, without realising.

A big hug at the end of any dental procedure is always very much appreciated by myself and many people I know on this path. Not everyone would appreciate it, but it is always worth asking! You are an important part of this patient's story and memories live on. If you do not have time to personally support after surgery, do you have a compassionate member of staff the patient is familiar with, who could take over after your goodbye hug with the patient? I hear too many stories of patients leaving dental clinics visibly distressed, with no support offered. It brings patients a sense of feeling not valued, 'job done goodbye' and all the care and trust built up can vanish in the blink of an eye.

Quite a long blog, but I hope it has brought another perspective to consider. Wishing everyone a smooth healing process from past, present and future surgeries. I hope you enjoy the music video below. Jenny x